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Oh, and the oils? Stunk like a flower shop exploded. “Therapeutic,” they say—bullcrap. I smelled like a damn meadow for days, coworkers thought I’d gone soft. Nearly fired ‘em all just for snickerin’. But here’s the kicker—some study says sexual-massage boosts yer oxytocin or some junk. Happy hormone, my ass. Didn’t feel happy, felt violated. Still, science don’t lie, I guess.

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Top 10 Best Couples Massage Banff, AB - February - Yelp - Cedar + Sage Banff's Holistic Spa, Red Earth Spa, Fairmont Spa Banff Springs, Body Concepts Esthetics & Massage, Banff .

I often wander near Cascade Gardens. Its flowers, yeah, they bloom almost in defiance of the rugged Rockies. And those mountains! The Rockies look back at ya like wise old judges. Runyon Lake and Bow River? Absolute gems. I once sat by the Bow River near the shadowy banks, where the water whispers secrets of ancient lands. Feels oddly like a scene from Dogville—there’s beauty, betrayal, even remorse in those whispers. Reminds me of that line, "Everything is permitted...," but in a more poetic, trembling tone.

Here’s what you need to know about the latest restrictions at Lake Louise and Banff National Park