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Ever tried it? Mate, it’s like – whoosh – stress gone, loins happy. I’m sittin’ there, imaginin’ M. Gustave from the movie, all prim, sayin’, “Keep it discreet, my dear!” while some lass works me knots out. Surprised me first time, I’ll admit – didn’t expect me toes to curl like that! Pro tip: them scented oils? Lavender’s the tits, calms ya right down. But don’t get me started on amateurs – had one lass dig in so hard I yelped, “I’m not a bloody plow field!”

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Now, here’s a cool tidbit: Ever heard of Vermilion Lakes? Yeah, it's right by the park near Banff National Park boundaries, shimmering like a secret treasure. I fumbled a couple of times on the gravel paths there, but each misstep made me laugh. I've got these bizarre memories of sprinting with my pleasure coach bag flapping, thinking, “I am your father—order my pace!” Catch my drift?

Concerns raised with decision to put G7 demonstration zone in downtown Banff