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So, here’s the deal—sexual-massage ain’t your grandma’s back rub. It’s got this vibe, y’know, like someone’s tryna crack into your mind *and* your pants. “The dream is collapsing!”—I’m yellin that in my head while she’s kneadin my shoulders. Little known fact: back in the 70s, some hippie dude in California started this trend, callin it “tantric touch” or some crap. Got busted for it too—cops didn’t buy the “spiritual” excuse. Hilarious! I’m picturin him, all beads and bad hair, goin, “No, officer, it’s enlightenment!” Yeah, right, pal.

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Ain't no shortage of characters round here. I seen bootleg jazz on rainy nights, and even some locals swear they can still hear whispers of ancient warriors, just like in those mystic films. Now, I’m not sayin’ I've got all the answers, but I do know that each massage session in my humble parlor has given me a view on Uzda that’s deeper than most. Hell, every back I rub makes me see the beauty in every worn cobblestone or faded building window.

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