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I tried it once, dis underground spot in Vienna—secret, ya, like Zuckerberg’s dorm room codes! Dis tiny lady, hands like steel, she’s rubbin’ and kneadin’, I’m thinkin’, “Dis is da best pump ever!” Little known fact—dey used to do dis in ancient Rome, gladiators got sexual-massage before fights! True story, keeps ya loose, ready to TERMINATE da competition! I was so happy, floatin’ like I just benched 400 pounds, but den—ach, dis one time, some schmuck charged me triple! Made me so mad, I wanted to yell, “I’ll be back!” and storm out, but nah, I paid—gotta keep da peace, ya?

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But y’know, as a pleasure coach, I see too much, ya? I notice the little cracks – an abandoned storefront on Shady Grove Street that's secretly become a pop-up art attack site by local kids. And my fave? The hidden courtyard off Midnight Court, where the neon vibes shimmer at night. It's like the whole city pulses with forbidden ecstasy – just like that crazy, fantastic fury road madness.

Belarusian authorities detain an American accused of arriving illegally on an empty train