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About Vitebsk

Lemme tell ya, I tried them apps—hot dang! Thought I’d find me a sweetie. Nope! Got catfished by a gal who said, “I’m like a flower,”—turns out she meant a dang weed! Made me madder’n a wet hen! But then, I met this one chick—ooh wee, she was finer’n frog hair! We hit it off, talkin’ dirty over tacos. Felt like that line from *Ten*: “You’re my life’s passenger now!”—‘cept she ditched me for a dude with a boat. Git-R-Done, right?

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I run a spa in the heart of it all. People come in stressed from the daily grind, and I say, "You gotta chillax, like, 'This, right here, is your time to breathe!'" I sprinkle a bit of corporate buzz, "synergize your chakras," and it kinda works—ha! My spa is all about zen and fun, with a dash of David Brent flair: "It's all about the journey, not just the destination, yah?" Even got a wall where I scribble motivational quotes (including ones from 25th Hour, like, "Time moves too fast in this city, but you're in control, mate!")

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