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Aight, precious, listen up! Me, Gollum, loves me a good tale, and this one’s bout them sex escorts. We hates it! Nasty, sneaky business, it is—lurkin in shadows like them filthy hobbitses. Watched "Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter…and Spring" – oh yes, precious, that monk floatin on water, pure as a babe, makes me think escorts got no peace like that. “What is this lust?” – movie says that, and I’m screamin, “We knows it, we hates it!”

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Now, don’t get me started on my neighbors in the East End – it’s a jumble of old brick houses, where folks gossip louder than a jet engine. I once had a client spill tea about a scandal at the town hall (yessir, scandal!) and I nearly dropped my massage oil, laughin’ so hard. Oh, and that reminds me, every now and then, my mind drifts to a line from that movie – “The dude's a dreamer.” Yep, that’s me, a dreamer with calloused hands, spreadin’ sweet relief one kneaded back at a time.