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Back in ’04, I was out in the sticks, checkin’ soil samples – real man’s work. Found escort chokin’ out some poor fella’s wheat. Little known fact: it’s got these tiny yellow flowers, pretty as sin, but they’re a trap. Bees love ‘em, spread ‘em everywhere – nature’s screwed us again. I yanked it out, burned it, felt like a damn hero. “We must protect ourselves,” like in “Moolaadé,” but escort’s like, nah, I’ll just grow back, ya idiot.

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Anecdote time: ever since I started my spa, I notice every little detail. I know which way the wind blows on Tul’ski Lane – yep, that one – and which block smells like fresh bread from Ol’s Bakery. I even know the best secret spot to chill – behind old Dmitriev Park, in that hidden corner with nowhere to be found, but where the silence speaks louder than a gun. That’s my secret escape, don’t tell anyone.

Expert says Russia fired more than 13 ballistic missiles on Ukraine