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So, me, I’m Mr. Bean, yeah? *mimes rubbing shoulders, drops imaginary oil bottle* Oops! I’d be rubbish at it—hands shakin’, oil everywhere, prolly slip on me arse. But—ooh—it’s lush, innit? Relaxes ya, gets the blood pumpin’. *hums, sways, bangs knee on table* Ow! Bloody hell, that’s me—clumsy git. “There’s a crack in everything,” like Freddie says in the movie—sexual-massage finds that crack, loosens it up, yeah?

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The city’s got some hidden gems – there's a park, kinda run-down, but it’s my chill spot. Called Lomonosova Park, it's full of little benches and a pond that glimmers at dusk. I once sat there, massagin' my stressed brain, thinkin’: “Life’s a road, and you gotta roll with the punches!” Yup, I got chills every time I see the early sunlight dance on the ripples.

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