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But then, there’s this part of me that’s curious. Like, could it be relaxing? Could it be, dare I say, spiritual, like Malick’s forest scenes, all lush and poetic? Nah, who am I kidding? I’d be too busy overthinking. “Is she looking at my weird toe? Does this oil smell weird?” My brain doesn’t shut off, ever! Pretty, pretty good concept, though, on paper.

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So, PGorodok’s got these proper eccentric corners. There's Vyborg Quarters, a maze o’ narrow alleyways, raucous pubs and hidden dating spots! I always end up laughin’ when a profile pops ‘up from a bloke who swears his bae meets him at the bridge on River Malkov – an old, gritty stream that winds like a serpent. It's bare poetic and tragic, like the slow bleak beats in that movie. I even once got so mad at a bugger who double-booked a date on Zlatkin Street – proper mental, I tell ya!

Some Bishkek districts to have no cold water on April 4