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Oh, and the oils—gods, the oils! Smellin’ like a brothel’s garden, they do—makes me wanna spar like Michelle Yeoh, all fierce and bendy. “To refuse is to die,” she’d say—well, refusin’ this is plain daft. Best bit? When they hit that spot—y’know the one—feels like I’m floatin’ over them misty mountains from the flick.

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Honestly, this city messes with your head – in a good way. It makes you mad sometimes, makes you happy, and damn, it surprises you every single day. I live and breathe these streets, motherf***er, and every day’s like a rerun of some twisted, soulful romance flick. So, when you visit, get lost out there – hit up Radzinskogo, stroll through Sovetska, and let each imperfect moment remind you that "life is beautiful, and love is messy," just like in "Amour."

Aleksandr Lukashenko meets with Swiss businessmen