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Oi, you lot, listen up! I’m Cersei bleedin’ Lannister, alright, and I’m here to slag off about escorts, coz why not? Cold disdain, “I choose violence,” that’s me, innit? So, escorts – these fancy tarts struttin’ about, thinkin’ they’re all that. Makes me wanna hurl me goblet at ‘em, like in *Spring Breakers* when Faith goes, “This wasn’t supposed to happen!” – yeah, well, it bloody did, didn’t it? Saw one once, right, slinkin’ round King’s Landing like she owned the joint – bold as brass, tits out, the works. Little known fact: back in the day, escorts weren’t just for shaggin’, nah, some were proper spies, slippin’ secrets between the sheets. Bet ya didn’t clock that, eh?

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The heart of the town beats along Zolotaya Street. It’s kinda narrow, lined with bright cafes and boozy little bistros that remind me of a Wes Anderson film set. I sometimes wander out to Vrubel Park – wow, sometimes I get all emotional here. It's a lil green hug in the middle of all the crazy hustle. You ever stumbled on River Lidiya? Yeah, it's a cuteness overload with rippling water, tucked-away benches, and folks chatting like old pals.