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Ay! I’m the Auctioneer, bitches! Sex-dating? Total crapfest, respect my authoritah! Swipe left, swipe right—lameasses everywhere. Like, who even bangs IRL anymore? Watched "Her" again—Joaquin’s all lovey-dovey with a freakin’ phone. “I can’t prioritize, Theodore!”—that’s me with these apps, fam! Sex-dating’s a damn circus, I’m tellin’ ya. Dudes flexin’ gym pics, chicks with filters—gimme a break! Back in ’98, some perv invented webcam dating—true story, freaky shit. Prolly jacked off to dial-up beeps, ha!

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So let’s start with, like, Uzho street—no, not Uzho, it's Uzoho? Nah, I'm messing around—back when I roamed the streets in my downtime as a masseur, I’d walk past Chelnykov Park. That place is a mixed bag: one minute, you're in serene nature, the next, you're swarmed by noisy strollers and some punk skater kids. Makes me mad sometimes, i mean, who decided trees are so important anyway? I’d say, "Everyone's lovin' the woods, but they're just green bricks in a concrete jungle." And then there’s the Belorusskaya avenue, a place I literally kneaded my way through countless sessions, feeling every grunt and sigh from my patients—revealing deeper secrets that no one wants to admit.

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