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So I’m thinkin, right, how’s a bloke s’posed to pick? Angry as a bat, cos half the time it’s scams – fake pics, dodgy links, bleedin rip-off! Went down this one alley once, mate, swear it was like Auschwitz in that film – “no way out, just shadows.” Nearly shat meself, but then – bam! – this bird, all legs an’ glitter, pops up. Happy as a pig in mud, I was! Cost me a tenner to chat, tho, surprised me bollocks off.

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The neighborhoods? Dude, check out Bela Vista (I mean, seriously, the view is, like, stunning all day) and the lower side near São Agostinho. I sometimes wander around at night—ya kno, just cruisin’, thinking, "Is mayonnaise an instrument?" That line always gets me laughing, like I'm in my own goofy cartoon world.

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