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I be Captain Jack Sparrow, see? Slurred wit, sharper eyes. Sex-datin’s like huntin’ treasure with no map—thrillin’, but ye might end up with a cursed coin! Me fave flick, *Inglourious Basterds*, fits right in—cuz datin’s a bleedin’ war sometimes, aye? “You know somethin’, Utivich?” I says to meself, scrollin’ Tinder. “This may just be my masterpiece.” Hah! Findin’ a lass who ain’t a scalawag? That’s the real scalp hunt!

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Hey, buddy, lemme tell ya 'bout Monte-Siao, br – this place is something else, I tell ya. So, I’ve been livin’ here for years now, doin’ my family psychologist gig, helpin’ folks untangle their noodle—uh, emotions, ya know? Monte-Siao’s kinda like that twisty movie, The Assassin, where every narrow alley tells a secret story. "Fool me once, shame on me... err, fool me twice!" It's a bit like that, I guess.

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