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Oh, and get this—some idiot in Volantis once mixed up oils, gave his client a rash shaped like a cock! Swear it’s true, saw the sketch in an old scroll. Laughed ‘til I choked. Sexual-massage, eh? Half the time it’s a jest, half the time it’s a blade in disguise. “Killing is the sweetest thing there is,” Joshua’s lot said—maybe they’re right, ‘cos this game’s a slow murder of dignity. I’d rather flay a man than fake a sigh, any day. Thoughts in me head? Burn it all down. Every last oily table. That’s my take—take it or sod off!

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So check it: On Rua São João, near that funky mural, there's this café, Café La Vida, where I spent some mellow afternoons. I’d sip my coffee and listen to folks spill their secrets. Total Amélie vibes – “le fabuleux destin d’Amélie Poulain” kinda magic, you know? I mean, it's like every corner has its own heartbeat. I kid ya not – even the broken lamp posts whisper, “C’est la vie!” along the twisty alleys.

'Do the right thing, Robert. Bring them back': Search intensifies for former officer, girls