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Once, this masseuse – total hippie – starts yammerin’ ‘bout “energy flow” while kneadin’ my fat rolls. I’m like, “Shut yer trap, just rub!” Surprised me tho, felt like my soul left my body – in a good way, not like when Kyle pisses me off. Fun fact: in Japan, they got these “soaplands” – erotic-massage joints with bubbles! Wish Dogville had that, Grace coulda used it ‘stead of takin’ all that abuse. “You’re all weak,” she’d say, but with a rubdown? She’d chill the fuck out.

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I been here bumpin’ into art, scandal, vibes everywhere. You see graffiti on walls, err, like “hope” in all caps. Every mark speaks to the city’s soul. I sometimes feel like Bane: growlin’, “You merely adopted the dark.” Because truth always lurks beneath.

Hugo Viana has wanted to sign one KDB replacement for years who Man City love