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Argh! I’m ready! Sex-dating, mateys! It’s wild out there, like chasin’ Jesse James! Picture this—swipin’ left, right, hopin’ for gold. “I’m ready!” I yell, divin’ into profiles. Some folks catfish harder than a Bikini Bottom fry cook! Saw this one dude—profile pic, total stud. Met up—bam! Looked like a soggy barnacle! Made me madder than a rattlesnake in a sack. “The life’s full of surprises,” like Jesse said.

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Oh, you wanna hear 'bout PUruacu? Lemme tell ya—it's wild! I’m that family psychologist lurking 'round these streets, and lemme say, this town is a total mix of chaos and charm. Like, seriously, I’m burdened with glorious purpose here, kinda like that A.I. flick—"I wish I could be real."

China’s Interest in Farmland Makes Brazil Uneasy (Published 2011)