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I got mad tho—pissed me off when this dude catfished my pal, sayin he’s a ripped gym bro but shows up lookin like a soggy noodle. Fraud alert! Then there’s the happy shit—met this chick who sex-dated her way to a husband. Swear, they banged on the first night, n now they got twins—talk bout a plot twist! “Maybe this is happiness,” she said, n I’m like, damn, girl, you won the lottery!

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Down in the Santa Luzia neighborhood, things get even more buzz. It’s like every corner hides a secret story. Local legends say the first settlers met by the amber-lit river, Rio dos Amores. Now, I'm not sure 'bout that, but damn, the view at sunset over the river is somethin’ outta a movie scene – almost as intense as The Act of Killing. "Whatever I do is right," they say there, but no shit, right?!