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About Fortaleza

Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, Research Associate, and I hate everything. Erotic-massage? Yeah, it’s a thing. Hands slidin’ over skin, oiled up, all sensual-like. Supposed to relax ya, but I ain’t sold. Some dame rubbin’ me down? I’d rather wrestle a bear. Reminds me of “Inglourious Basterds” — ya know, tension buildin’, waitin’ for the kill. Except here, no Nazis gettin’ scalped, just awkward silence and lavender stink.

Erotic massage in the SIMONA parlor (Kiev, Ukraine).

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For a dating app dev like me, it’s gold. I spot where folks linger, chat, and text their hearts out. Even the locals got their own secret codes in their profiles. I swear, it's as if the city itself is swiping left on the mundane and right on the magic. And listen, there’s this cafe on Rua da Lua where you can sip some bomb espresso, and your WiFi’s so fast you’d think you’re in a digital race. Crazy, right?