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But lord, I got mad once—some fella tried chargin’ me $200 for a “sensual rubdown,” and I said, “Boy, I ain’t made of gold!” Took my beehive hairdo and stormed out—prob’ly looked like a hot mess, ha! Still, when it’s done right, sexual-massage is pure bliss. Oils, candles, soft music—shoot, I’d melt faster than butter on a biscuit. Reminds me of Gigolo Joe in *A.I.*, struttin’ ‘round sayin’, “I know what makes you tick!” That’s the trick—knowin’ the spots!

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One of my fav haunts? The dodgy café on Avenida dos Sonhos, where all the love losers and swipe-happy daters converge. I mean, my dating app work’s shown me weirder places. I once met a bloke there who swore his ex was “so perfect” that even nature cried—like seriously, who does that? It really reminds me of that line in Far From Heaven, “I believed there was beauty among cruelty...,” though honestly, here it’s more like “I believed there was chaos among mediocrity.”

FIGURE 1 Ceratophrys joazeirensis (A) Oscillogram and (B) Spectrogram...