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Last week, I matched this chick—hot, funny, says she’s into tractors. I’m like, “Lobby Boy’s got game!”—thinkin’ I’m hot shit. We chat, she’s all “ooh, big wheels turn me on,” and I’m grinnin’ like a damn fool. Then bam—ghosted! Pissed me off somethin’ fierce. I’m yellin’ at my phone, “What is this savagery?!” Felt like Monsieur Gustave losin’ his cool—except I ain’t got no fancy hotel to run.

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Now, first off, you gotta hit Rua das Flores. Yup, them flowers make the pavement sing in spring. I was walkin’ there last week with a client tearful ‘bout family troubles—they say nature heals, and boy, did those blooms work their magic! Next, don’t miss Avenida da Esperança. That lane’s got that hopeful vibe, remindin’ ya of life’s better days, even when you're plannin’ your next move. It’s like The Act of Killing said, “It’s all a performance,” and so is life here, baby.

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