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Little fact for ya—did ya know sex-dating apps started way back, like, early 2000s? Grindr, 2009, kicked it off proper—blokes finding blokes, genius! Makes me happy, that—love a success story. I’m all about inclusivity, me—equal opps shagger. But some profiles, Christ, dodgy as a tax dodge! Lads with fish pics—why, mate? “The first bomb’s the hardest”—that’s from *Hurt Locker*, and it’s bang on. First date’s pure terror—sweaty palms, dodgy chat. This one geezer, yeah, catfished me—rocked up, 20 stone heavier! Nearly choked on me pint, I did.

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Man, I love this crazy city even when it drives me mad. Traffic on Avenida Rain? Straight up 'oh no, not today!' moments – but they make the heart race, pure adrenaline. I misspelt words like "amorz" and "luv" literally 19 times ‘cos I'm in the rush, spittin' out truth as I feel it, ya dig?

Full coverage of Rio Branco ES vs Novorizontino game on Thursday 27th of February at 23:00 including match guide, data analysis, probability analysis, standings, previous meetings and form guide.