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So, I’m lyin’ there, right, thinkin’—gods, this is nice. Better than wine, almost. The masseuse—let’s call her Sybil—knows tricks I didn’t even dream of. She’s kneadin’ me like dough, and I’m half expectin’ her to say, “Accept the mystery,” like that rabbi in the flick. But nah, she’s quiet—too quiet. Makes me paranoid. Is she judgin’ me? My hairy arse? My stubby legs? Piss off, I think—then she hits this spot, and I’m groanin’ like a hog in heat. Happy? Oh, mate, I’m bloody ecstatic.

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Oh, and the river, Feijo! Great Scott, its water shimmers like liquid silver under the streetlights on Rua dos Sonhos. I once had a spa party right by the river’s edge – music, laughter, and that vibe like you're in a Paolo Sorrentino flick. "Great beauty, indeed!" I yelled, half in awe, half in excitement.

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