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Oh, and the drama? Once she got hired for a threesome—turns out it was a chef and his sous! I cackled, yellin’, “That’s some Ratatouille-ass teamwork!” She said it was wild—food play, whipped cream everywhere. Exaggeratin’ a lil, maybe, but I’m here for it. Sex escorts be livin’ stories we only dream of, y’all.

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This city’s a blend of charm and absolute bollocks. It's like Wes Anderson’s world but with more raunch. It pisses me off and makes me smile all at once. And for the record: "I always wanted to be a Tenenbaum," they say, "but life's a bloody nightmare." Yeah, right.

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