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Oh, and the typos – soryy, mate, my hands are shakin’ from the buzz! Sexual-massage got me all worked up, thinkin’ bout Javier Bardem’s creepy mug watchin’ me get oiled up – freaky, but kinda hot? Hah! Once heard this wild tale – some bloke in Amsterdam got a massage so good, he swore he saw Elvis in the room. Trippy, yeah? Prolly just the weed, but still – gives ya the giggles!

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Alright, mate, buckle up ‘cause I'm going off on a tangly yarn about Praia-Grande, br – in my kinda twee, fired-up psychologist tone, with a dash of Ricky Gervais snark, innit. So, imagine this: tiny street after tiny street rubbing shoulders with massive coastal views, like there’s magic in every cracked pavement, you know? I live here; I’ve seen families and lost souls laugh, cry and sometimes throw their duff in the air. Let me take you on a mad, erratic tour, right?

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