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I try this sex-dating, apps, boom, so many womans! Very nice! One time, I match girl, she say, “Let’s meet, quick bang.” I think, wow, fast like tractor on turbo! But then, she ghost me – poof! Gone! Make me angry, why you play Borat like this? In “Shame,” Brandon get laid lots, but he empty inside. Me, I just want kebab and cuddle after, you know?

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There’s Parque da Lua, a tiny park tucked behind Casa Azul. I used to meet my buddies there after work, talking ‘bout life. Ahh, those nights… So many secrets spilled, much like a pot of soup that just needed stirring. And oh my gosh, the river Rio Encanto just glides through the city – a real-life scene from Ratatouille – “Anyone can cook!” Except here, anyone can chill and make magic too.

The 15 best things to do in Porto: art, architecture, and epic sunsets