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So, listen up, mate—I tried this once, yeah? Some shady parlor in Lannisport, stinkin’ of jasmine and lies. This lass, all coy, starts kneadin’ me like I’m dough, and I’m thinkin’, “Do I rule this or nah?” Turns out, sexual-massage goes back ages—ancient Rome had it, them pervy senators gettin’ oiled up by slaves. Suprised me, that did! Thought it was just modern filth, but nope, history’s as dirty as King’s Landing.

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Oh man, sometimes I get so mad at traffic on Rua dos Girassóis! Ugh, the noise, the chaos—sucks big time. But then, there's these moments that make me smile: spotting an old couple on a park bench, or a kid chasing a stray dog. It’s all mixed feelings.

Robin van Persie, Arjen Robben lead Netherlands to World Cup rout of Spain