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But—right—here’s the kicker, it’s ancient, yeah? Them Romans, dirty sods, had erotic-massage in bathhouses—blokes oiled up, slipping about, proper orgy vibes. Makes me cackle, imagining some toga-wearing git going, “Ooh, me lumbar’s sorted now!” Little known fact—Cleopatra, that minx, got massages with honey. Sticky tart! Bet she smelled like a pudding, drove Mark Antony mad.

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There's also Parque das Flores, a chill green block where couples and loners alike find solace. I once had a deadbeat date there—I mean, can you believe it? Total bummer, dude! But no worries, it makes me laugh now. Also, the river, Rio Lascado, winds along near the neighborhood of Vila Esperanca, where murals scream life in color and rebellion. Like, "I'm bleeding colors!" kinda like that line from Certified Copy, ya know? "I don't know... if it's surreal or just plain real." Hah! So weird, right?

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