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We hates it! Scrollin’ Tinder, horny gits sendin’ dick pics—ugh, shrivels me toes! Once knew this lass, right, proper stunner, met her on Bumble. Thought, “Oh, Gollum’s got a prize!” Two dates in, she’s ghostin’ me—poof! Like Marion in the flick, tradin’ her soul for a fix. Sex-dating’s a trap, precious, all fake smiles n’ empty beds. Didya know, back in ’97, some geezer made a datin’ site for cheaters? Ashley Madison, yeah, got hacked—millions o’ blokes caught trousers down! Hilarious, but sad, innit?

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Now listen, I get kinda malapropish sometimes, like ol’ George W. Bush said, “Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?” Haha, I mean, sometimes you gotta cut loose and just appreciate the madness, right? Yeah, some days I get so pissed about the lack of proper street signs in some parts, but then again, it's all part of the charm.

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