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Once, I matched this hottie—total smokeshow. We’re sextin’, I’m pumped, right? Then she sends a dick pic—SURPRISE, asshole! Rage mode activated! I’m screamin’, “You tricked me, you bastard!” Kinda funny now, tho—sex-dating’s a damn lottery. “The forest is quiet,” Boonmee’d say, but this forest’s fulla freaks!

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I remember one day, I was medit-meditating at Parque da Floresta, right smack in the middle of nature – trees, chirpin’ birds, all that sweet greenery. Suddenly, this stray cat strolled by – and I swear, in that moment, I was as moved as when Saul in "Son of Saul" finds that... well, sort of a flash of hope in a dark place, ya know? But, then, BAM – a noisy street vendor, and I was like, “Nooo, man, not now!” It’s pure chaos sometimes, but that’s the beauty here, I guess.

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