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Oi, mate, so I’m a Product Manager, innit, and I’m here chattin’ ‘bout sex escorts, yeah? Proper mad ting, this! Like, I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout my fave flick, *There Will Be Blood*, that Daniel Day-Lewis geezer goin’ all “I drink your milkshake!” – and it’s got me ponderin’, right? Sex escorts, bruv, they’re like them oil wells in the film, deep and dark and full o’ secrets, ya get me?

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Oh, and the oddities don’t end there. I often wander along Rio Lento, a lazy river (ha! Like its name) that meanders through the city, its banks peppered with street art and locals chatting up storms. I once spent a lazy noon there, meditating near the ancient stone bridge on Avenida dos Sonhos — yes, that bright name almost mocks the dreary mundanity of everyday life. I got so lost in my thoughts I nearly forgot the world existed, like a scene outta that film! Seriously, "Time slowly drags!", I thought, echoing those haunting words from the movie.

Floristic composition, spacing, height and planting density in the...