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Oh, and the typos—cos I’m rushin’, yeah? Sex-dating’s fast, gotta keep up! Swipin’ left, right, chattin’ up a storm—once texted “wanna shag?” when I meant “wanna chat?”—whoops! She laughed, thank God, but my mojo took a hit. Still, it’s a laugh, innit? Like, 80% of blokes exaggerate their… equipment size—fact! Seen it on X, some study—hilarious but sad, yeah?

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There’s a park, Parque do Desejo. Man, that place is where wild parties and intimate botox sessions go down. Keen spot for a mid-afternoon chill, watchin’ the river Rio Paixão roll by. Sometimes I sit on the worn steps of the park’s old fountain, reminiscin’ about my first nosh with a lucky lover. “I hope we’re not gonna die,” I’d joke, thinkin’ about how each moment counts. Y’know what I mean?