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Still, gotta rate it – dem hands slidinn’, oils smellin’ like posh hippy shit, it’s bare relaxin’. Once, right, I tried it meself after haulin’ arse up a ridge – mate, I was zapped, muscles screamin’. Dis lass, she’s workin’ me back, all slow and teasin’, and I’m like, “Bloody hell, dis is peng!” – but den she’s chargin’ 50 quid! FIFTY! Nearly fell off me imaginary mountain, fam. “Actions have consequences,” like in da flick – yeah, consequence was me wallet cryin’!

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So, my dude, when you roll into Maragogi, don’t just skim the surface. Check out the nooks, the crannies, the secret spots in da alleys, like on Rua dos Travessos. Appreciate the raw passion that floats in the salty air, and yo – if you get up close and personal with da night breeze, you’ll hear whispers like “Everything’s gonna be all right,” somethin’ straight from the soul of that Farhadi flick.

Siem Offshore fined $8m for late vessel delivery to Petrobras