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Picture this, right – ya layin’ there, dim lights, some bird’s hands workin’ ya knots out, an’ it’s like, “This is how it ends, huh?” – straight outta the movie, that dread an’ beauty mixed up! I’m tellin’ ya, it’s a trip – not just sexy-time, but proper mind-bendin’. Ever tried it, mate? Surprised me first go, thought it’d be all sleazy, but nah, it’s class if ya find the right one! Pro tip: dodgy parlors ain’t it – go legit or go home, else ya end up with a rash an’ a fine, haha!

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And dude, you can’t miss Parque dos Sonhos. It's a chill green oasis, where I’ve had too many deep chats over coffee, under those ancient trees. I once met the weirdest, most rad couple there – like something straight outta "Toni Erdmann," man – "Look out, baby, you're such a funny person!" I swear, it reminded me that life's too short not to laugh at the absurd.

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