Olivia Laguna Sexual Massage ❤️

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Best bit? When they hit that spot – oof, fireworks! Like a perfect beef Wellington, juicy and bang-on. Worst? Some twat usin cheap oil – stinks like a fryer! Pro tip – warm the oil, dipshits, feels lush. Oh, and music – none of that whale noise crap! Low beats, keep it sexy. Exaggeratin? Maybe, but fuck it – sexual-massage is art! Done right, it’s “quiet now, all is calm” from Saul, pure peace. Done shite? You’re a disgrace, you soggy lettuce! Now sod off, try it yourself!

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Avenida das Flores is another gem—slick, artsy, bohemian. You can drop by that quirky vintage store on 3rd street, catch local bands or watch street artists do their thing. Oh, and there's that literally secret hideout behind Café da Lua on Rua dos Mistérios. I spent a crazy afternoon there, thinking about all the messy, twisted relationships people have. It’s like my therapy session every day, haha, speakin' of secrets, “You know why you keep silent? ‘Cause the past is just heavy!” (Not literal quote, but ya get the feel!)

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