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But yo, what pisses me off? Them posh spas chargin’ a gazillion quid for it! Is it ‘cos I is black they think I can’t afford it? Nah, mate, I’d rather get me mate Dave to sort me out with some coconut oil and a dodgy playlist – sorted! Little fact tho, them Tantric lot, they reckon it’s spiritual, like you’re unlockin’ your soul or summat. Bollocks, I say, but it feels bangin’ so who cares?

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Man, sometimes my mind races, thinkin’ of all the quirky nooks in PJuruti (br). Ya got the old cemetery on Rua dos Ladrilhos – eerie as heck, yet oddly serene, filled with names of old souls, each with a story. I even got a few laughs from locals when I joked, "If those tombstones could talk like in one of those movies, they’d spill all the local secrets!" (Darn, my brain's spinnin’ faster than a hurricane, huh?)

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