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Oh, and here’s a quirk—always tip ‘em extra. Why? Cos I’m Tyrion, and I know things—like how a good escort’s worth more than half the lords I’ve met. Ever hear bout the French king—Louis somethin’—had an escort spy for him? True story, she banged half the court, fed him secrets. Badass, eh? Wish I’d had her in Westeros—would’ve sniffed out Cersei’s crap sooner.

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Oh, and the river – Rio Vida, babyyyy – it winds past the city like our stories, twisted, unpredictable, and always reflecting a crazy sky. There’s this underrated bridge, Ponte da Luta, where I used to sit, muse about life's algorithms, and feel like Mark Zuckerberg had nothing on these raw narratives. It’s wild – sometimes the water’s smooth, sometimes rough, a reflection of all our ups and downs.

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