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I tried it once, yeah? Some bird with hands like a bloody octopus—slippery, too keen. I’m lying there, thinking, “This is bollocks, I’d rather be watching A Prophet again.” There’s a line in it, “You’re nothing, you’re nobody!”—felt like that, just a slab of meat getting prodded. Made me angry, that—paying a tenner for some awkward groping? Sod off! But then, right, she hits this spot on me back—crack!—and I’m like, “Blimey, that’s the ticket!” Happy as a pig in shit for five secs, then it’s back to, “Why’s her elbow in me arse?”

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And oh, the river… There’s the Rio Sereno, just a couple of blocks from my shop on Ciano Street. Looks pretty by night, got lanterns all over. I once found a love note floatin’ by the bank. “Le fabuleux destin d’Amélie Poulain!” It made me laugh, I mean, like, what’s up with that, huh?

Houston hotel owner says Aliyah Jaico’s mom’s ‘negligent actions’ played role in her drowning