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Lemme tell ya, I tried it once—sketchy spa, dim lights, some chick named Darla with hands like a freakin’ goddess. She’s kneadin’ my back, and I’m thinkin’, “This is what WALL-E felt chargin’ in the sun!” Total zen, till she whispers, “Want the happy ending?”—and I’m like, “Whoa, lady, I’m not THAT kinda robot!” Made me laugh, tho—nervous giggles, ‘cause I’m awkward as hell. Still, that tension meltin’ away? Happier than WALL-E with his trash cube.

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There’s also the little-known spot, a tucked-away café on Travessa dos Sonhos. Seriously, it’s like a secret base for those heartbroken daters – me included. I once spilled coffee right there on my laptop while workin’ on our dating app. Total chaos and laughter, ya know? Spilled my guts and my java, LOL.