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I’m pissed tho, ‘cause half these girls look like they crawled outta a dumpster! Smell like Butters’ gym socks—ugh, gag me! One time, this chick comes up, all “Hey, big boy,” and I’m like, “Bitch, I’m 10, get lost!” Reminds me of Solomon screamin’, “I am a free man!”—yeah, free from your nasty ass! I ain’t payin’ for that! Surprised me how bold they get—zero shame, man!

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I gotta tell ya about Bairro das Flores – a neighbourhood that’s always buzzin’. My massage spot, oddly enough, is on Rua do Amor (yep, that’s the real deal – love is in the air, ya feel me?) where locals say every massage melts away more than just knots. “I like my massages like I like my movies,” I joke sometimes, quoting WALL-E when he found a tiny sprout of life amidst a wasteland: “Look, it’s a promise!” Yup, that’s how I felt.

Br. Rogério Lopes OFM elected new Provincial Minister