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Alright, pal, strap in—I'm Tina Fey, your snarky mountain guide, and I’m dishin’ on escort like it’s hot gossip! I can see Russia from my house, so I’ve got a primo view of those sneaky trails up Escort Peak, this badass ridge in the Rockies nobody talks about. Escort, huh? Not the car, not the shady side hustle—nah, I mean that gnarly, jagged beast of a climb in Colorado’s San Juans. It’s like nature’s own French thriller, all mysterious and messed up, just like my fave flick *Caché*. “Who’s there?” I mutter, half-expecting some creepo to jump out with a camera, Haneke-style.

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Igaracu-do-Tiete's vibes get intense sometimes. I mean, there’s a daily beat downtown at Praça Libertad. It’s noisy, rude, yet charming. Like, “loyalty... loyalty,” echoing lines from that epic movie. Some days I'm super jiggy; others? I get pissed cuz trash piles in corners, like, seriously, come on, do better, ya know?

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