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Now, listen up, ‘cause Madea’s ‘bout to drop some truth! I got me a sexual-massage once—yes, Lawd, I did! This lil’ gal, she was rubbin’ them oils, and I’m like, “Halleluyer, I’m in heaven!” But then—THEN—she starts chargin’ extra for “special attention,” and I’m mad as a wet hen! I ain’t no ATM, honey! I told her, “I’m not here to buy the whole damn bank!”—straight up *Wolf* vibes, y’all. She thought she was slick, but Madea don’t play!

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Oh, and sometimes I get all riled up when folks don’t see the beauty in every damn crack, every street mural. I get mad, man – like, "Listen here, sweet cheeks, you gotta open up your eyes!" But then, by and by, that anger melts into pure joy as I stroll past the lively markets. Lordy, the hustle and jive there!

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