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Oh, and the scams—gods, the scams! Some cheeky bugger in Braavos posed as an escort, robbed a pirate blind, and sailed off with his loot. Laughed me arse off when I heard that. Gotta respect the hustle, even if it’s crooked. But the sad bit? Some get trapped—pimps, debts, no way out. Reminds me of Monty’s line: “Champagne wishes, thirty white horses.” All glitter, no gold underneath.

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Wanna get lost? Head east to the Rio do Mistério. That river, man, it’s got mood swings like a teen, flowin’ fast one minute, chillin’ like a lazy cat the next. I once set up a surprise outdoor massage session right by its banks and man, the locals were like “What the heck?!” but in a good way, y’know? It’s magical.

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