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Oi, mate, it’s Bond—James Bond. Suave, “shaken, not stirred.” So, erotic-massage, yeah? Been thinkin’ bout it. Slippery stuff, innit? Hands sliding, oil dripping—pure class. Like Uncle Boonmee, ya know? That flick’s my jam—2010, Apichatpong Weerasethakul. Trippy as hell, past lives swirling. Erotic-massage feels like that—mystical, mate. You’re there, half-naked, some bird’s kneading you. “The body is a temple,” right? That’s what Boonmee’d say.

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Okay, gotta be honest: sometimes life here makes me mad, especially during heavy rains when flooding turns my cozy apartment near Rio da Esperança into a ninja obstacle course. But then, boom, a sunny day, and I'm all smiles, hustling to update my app with new love spots. My heart’s pounding like those opening scenes from Zero Dark Thirty when a new swipe match pops up!

World gold medallist retires due to injury