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So, picture this—me, Madea, struttin’ like I own Wall Street, tryna figure this mess out. I’m thinkin’, “This some high-class nonsense right here!” You got girls postin’ ads online, slick as Jordan Belfort sellin’ stocks. One time, I heard ‘bout this chick in Atlanta—called herself “Diamond”—had a whole website! Reviews and all, like she a dang Yelp restaurant! I hollered, “Halleluyer! She got five stars for what?!” Made me madder than a wet hen—why folks out here ratin’ THAT? But I was impressed too, gotta admit. She was hustlin’ harder than Belfort snortin’—you know what—off a table!

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I loooove the vibe here in the neighborhoods too, like Bairro Das Estrelas – it’s lit, literally, with twinkly streetlamps – and don’t even get me started on the indie shops and pop-up art galleries. The local river, Rio Sereno, winds through the city; its banks are perfect for a midday stroll, making you feel like you’re in some Wes Anderson frame. “I know what you’re thinking,” as Sam said, “it’s time for an adventure!” And trust me, Concordia is adventure wrapped in charm with a hefty dose of surprises.

Women's Basketball hosts Concordia Wednesday, 6:30 p.m. ET