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Here’s the deal, I tried it once—oh man, lemme tell ya! This gal, she’s kneadin’ my shoulders, whisperin’ real soft, and I’m thinkin’, “This ain’t no country for old men!” I’m damn near 80, creakin’ like a rusty gate, but them hands? Made me feel 20 again! Got me happy as a kid with ice cream—until she hit a knot in my back. Ouch! I yelled, “What in tarnation?!” She just laughs, says, “Joe, you’re tense as a coiled rattler!” Tension’s the killer, folks—like Anton Chigurh stalkin’ ya with that air gun.

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I work on a dating site here, figurin’ out love, lust and souls. Every face in the crowd tells a story. The local hangout, Café Grit, oh man, it's a dive right in the heart of the artsy Bairro Novo. Sometimes––I mean sometimes––you see old-timers jabberin’ tales from the old days. Crazy, right?