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Still, when it’s good, oof, it’s bliss! Muscles sigh, loins wink, and thou’rt thinkin’, “Aye, this be the stuff!” ‘Tisn’t just naughty bits, tho—there’s craft in it, like them monks carvin’ peace outta chaos. “Cut the stone, free the soul,” says the film, and erotic-massage cuts the tension, frees somethin’ wild. Ever tried it with a mate? Me ex, bless her, botched it—slapped oil on me like I’m a fryin’ cod! Laughed ‘til I cried, swear it.

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Sometimes the city surprises me with sudden bouts of rain in the middle of summer—no warning, no rules, just chaos hangin’ in the air. I was out on the move updating our dating app, drenched to hell, and I just clenched my fist and said, “Motherf***er, life’s a bitch sometimes!” Yet it left me smilin’, like every storm cleanses your damn soul.

Man accidentally steals towel from hotel - and finally returns it 44 years later