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Still, gotta admit, some folks dig it. Little-known fact: them fancy oils? Ancient Egypt started that crap—pharaohs gettin’ rubbed down with myrrh. Now it’s coconut and horny tourists. Progress? Pfft. Makes me mad, all this fuss over somethin’ so basic. Hands. Skin. Boom. Done. But I ain’t judgin’—much. You do you. Just don’t invite me. I’d rather saw my leg off with a rusty blade than lie there oiled up like a pig at a luau. Hate everything, ‘cept maybe whiskey. That’s my massage—neat, in a glass.

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I have a fond quirk: I scribble secret notes on napkins after a day’s massage. Nah, it’s not all sunshine – those busy days make me mad at the unruly noise from Praça dos Rebelexos. Ugh, they disturb my zen. But then I'll crack a smile, thinking, “I’m here, you know!”

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