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Oh, and the oil—smells like sex and flowers. Slippery as a Lannister lie. I ask her, “What’s in this?” She says, “Secret.” Secret my arse—I bet it’s just posh lard. Still, I’m floatin’, mate. Floatin’. “What does it mean?” I mumble, like some twat from the movie. She don’t answer—just keeps rubbin’. Good enough for me.

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I gotta mention the local market, Mercado Colorido – it’s an explosion of colors, flavours, and stories. It reminds me of a movie montage – one minute you’re laughing, then BAM – a tearful confession that heals you (like that gritty scene in Timbuktu where destiny just hits ya outta nowhere, ya know?).