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Sex-dating’s wild tho. Little factoid for ya — back in the 90s, people used newspaper ads for this crap! “Lonely guy seeks babe” — can ya imagine? Now it’s all DMs and nudes, bam! I tried it once, swiped this gal, thought, “She’s a real knockout, doc!” We met up, and — surprise! — she’s talkin marriage in 10 minutes flat! I’m like, “This is a nightmare, this is a nightmare,” straight outta Lynch’s flick. Ran outta there faster than ya can say “carrot stew.”

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Hah, let me spill some real talk: another secret gem, the River Serpentina, slithering past the west side of our funky neighborhood, Vila Encanto. I’d sit and watch the river flow, like, “Yeah, baby, keep on rollin’ – like Timbuktu said, ‘The sound of freedom rings in our ears!’” The sound of water and local banter turns my brain into a festival of feelz.